Yeah! Home sweet home! All the jabs, drips and pain.. caused me a lot of stress. Had complications coz I got allergic to the X-Ray dye that contained Iodine. Now then I know I am allergic to Iodine *shrugs* My face swelled like a hippo, body turned red and had rashes so I was scratching all the time. My face was puffy for the next 2 days... U-G-L-Y.

I have to watch what I eat now... on soft diet. Nothing spicy, nothing oily. Means I cannot have Kimchi soup and cannot have STEAMBOAT!!! =(

sob sob! Well, treat this as a diet programme lah.. hehe
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Training was tough but then satisfying. I hope to feel the aches when I wake up later hehe. Stupid baby... gotta joke abt my figure. So insensitive! stupid stupid stupid! Go find a skinny gal lah!

My next training is on friday and will be working on my legs, back and abs. Abs exercise... cry! I hate training my abs =( And my trainer gave me a food journal to write down wat I ate -.-

tired tired but then satisfying! Back to the days when I'm active.. with a healthier body comes with more confidence =)
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To my friend, Nicky...

You're very sweet. Glad to know I have a friend like you! Thanks! I'll be fine so don't worry ya?



As much as I want to leave, I can't walk away just like that. I guess this time, I'm really in love. I'm not shy to say that I am deeply in love with this man. Though at the back of my mind I know it's not going to work, I still harbour some hopes on this relationship.

You've accepted my flaws while I don't choose to. I was too selfish. Some said that love is not about finding that perfect person, but loving that imperfect person perfectly. I was selfish. Selfish.

I asked you if you would accept the materialistic side of me. I would like to splurge what I earn and of course want to be pampered by my other half as well. And you told me this "I am working hard so that I can provide you with a very comfortable life. Can I pamper you?" My heart just melted. Though I've always been picking on your flaws, you still love me unconditionally. And that's why I can't bear to leave you.


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Just watched "Money No Enough 2".. very nice story line. I particularly like a hokkien song named 家后 (which means "wife") It's abt the love and loyalty a wife has for her husband.

Some part of the show reminds me of you. 女人一生最怕的是跟错人。 The show has showed me the consequences of jumping into a marriage even though knowing he's not the right one. But she loves him so much that she could sacrifice for him. It was till when she took the rap for him and sentenced to jail then he realised how good she is. Sad... sad.. she got to go to such extent then her husband will then treasure her.

I really feel cheated.. feelings toyed by you. You said you'll change and did so many things that melted my heart. I was convinced. But when you got me back, you're back to your old self. You were very anxious about me when I was away. And now it seemed that you are not afraid I'll be gone and so you dun have to care! What's the point of getting back to you when you dun cherish me? How can I ever trust you again?

I should hate you. I should be angry. I should be resentful. But I dun... I still hope that you can change and we'll be back together. I hate myself for loving you. Hate myself for being so stupid.
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Went Holland V today with my mum this afternoon to look at accesories for the new lounge =) In the end, we did our nails (again)! Honey told me she wants to get her naval pierced! OMG!! Ouch!!!!!! hmm, I'm thinking of getting my sister's name tattooed. Should I, should I???

Deep inside my heart, I can't seem to let you go for I know you love me so deeply. But but but.... can you really bring me happiness?
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Everything was going well till this morning. I've finally come to terms with the fact that a person cannot change. He is who he is. I am who I am. Not that I didn't know, but more than I didn't want to accept the fact. But now, I've chosen to acknowledge it.

It's good to know that you've grown in either ways. And happy to know that you've learnt from this relationship. I think that is all it matters... that I have made a contribution to this relationship, to you. It is more meaningful than just possession . I'd rather let you go and then we take something good out from this. This, to me, is love. I've learnt a lot of lessons abt life and I thank you for that. Thank you. Thank you...

Just like your injury, it hurts the most at the beginning. However, it'll heal as time times passes and the pain will go away eventually. Be it whether you like it or not, this is the process of recovery.

I wish you all the best and you'll have my support in whatever you set out to achieve.
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"When I need you, just close my eyes and I'm with ya.."

Someone has gotta screw up my morning but then eventually she gave in hahahaha! Life has been very kind to me. I have wonderful parents and friends.. and some one who loves me as much as I love him. To me, it ain't matter whether we belong together already. As long as I know you have me in your heart and I have yours.

I love doing my nails and getting dolled up now! Bimbo.. I know. But SO WHAT?! haha :p
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THANK YOU NICKY!!!!
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Friday, August 01, 2008
没有你的 第十一天
My legs are wobbly, my arms are aching. Went to the gym with my friend today and he guided me through the exercises. Gosh! Dead tired!
TRAINING~~~ sigh* I'm SO not looking forward to it.
Anyway was kinda disappointed today... you called me by my name after such a long time. Feels weird. Feels sour. I thought you would definitely turn up for dinner with me and my friend but then you chose not to. Asked you whether you wanna chat online, you replied "no way". I ought to slap myself. Should have long seen it coming. This is what I wanted. So why am I feeling the pain now?
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没有你的 第十天
I was harsh.. I told you honestly what I thought and how I felt. It must have hurt.Do you really need me or just a companion?I hope one day we can both be touched by our sincerity.. not only us but our parents as well.You asked me if I've liked someone else. No. It's a definite NO. Is it truly neccessary to act like strangers so that we can move on? Or are we just avoiding the pain?Shall we move on together, as friends, this time?
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Thursday, July 31, 2008
没有你的 第九夜
在这第九夜 没有你的我 终於开始感到寂寞 过去这期间 我的无所谓 全都是谎言 过了第九夜 我想用一切 回到十天前的世界 想念 那窗外却已天黑 天黑
Someone asked me about us again. I paused for a while. Knowing that things will not work out, a small part of me is still hanging on. You really think that things will change after your course? I have my doubts. Not that I'm not confident in you. Just that we are the way we are. We can change but then for how long till we are back to our "automatic behavior"? Do you understand what I am trying to say?
I went jogging right after finishing a bowl of cherries and yes.. that's very silly of me. Into the 5th minute, I felt my stomach churning and the cherries at my throat.
Gosh! I love CHERRIES now!! Yum yum!
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Tuesday, July 29, 2008
没有你的 第八天
It's been quite while since I've pampered myself.. I had just finished applying mask on my face and scrubbed my feet! Now my feet smelling like lemongrass haha! Shall save up for a back scrub at the rainforest spa! yipee!!!
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Sunday, July 27, 2008
心碎离开 转身回到最初荒凉里等待 为了寂寞 是否找个人填心中空白
我们变成了世上 最熟悉的陌生人 今后各自曲折 各自悲哀
只怪我们爱得那么汹涌 爱得那么深 于是梦醒了 搁浅了 沉默了 挥手了 却回不了神 如果当初在交会时能忍住了 激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己在思念里 沉沦
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Sunday, July 27, 2008
没有你的 第六天
I saw your car that night.. but you kept denying.Whatever it is, I believe that was you. Are we torturing ourselves?Though I hate this but this is the best choice for the both of us at this moment.
I got to thank my friends for helping me pull through all these. Honey has been spending her time with me, making sure I am ok.Training with her rocks!
I think I'm addicted to prawn-fishing!
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Thursday, July 24, 2008
没有你的 第三天
Clubbing is supposed to be fun. But I was just hogging on to my mobile. I told you I've realised I cannot live without you. I'm waiting for your reply... waiting.. waiting. Are u walking away too? Will you welcome me with open arms again?
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Wednesday, July 23, 2008
没有你的 第二天
No good morning msgs.
No picture of you today.
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Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I have made it clear todayI want to try living without youI know it's not going to be easyTrue enough, it's difficult, it's painful
Honey told me I will sure feel the pain, but it's bearable. I will be back on my feet. But when?
Feel like a bitch.
I let him go, and I'm the one who is not making it easier for myself to move on.
From the moment I msged him, I couldn't help tearing. Even during training, I had this image of him with a new gal.. and i could feel my eyes getting hot and teary. I'm the one who let him go. So shouldn't I be already prepared to lose him? Maybe not yet.
Had dinner with honey and her parents after training.
When driving my way home, I could have just continue going straight but there's this strong urge.. and I just speed my way to his place. However, as I was about to reach his house, my legs turned weak. My heart felt heavy.
I slowly drove past his house, looking up at his window. The lights were on. I knew he was in his room. But then I couldn't see him. So I made a few more rounds, each time hoping that I can get a glimpse of him. I drove past 3 times, still can't see him. Then I parked just behind his car, listening to the songs playing in my car, thinking about the times we were together. Wondering what is he doing? Was he thinking of me? Has he given up on me as well?
I stared at his car, stared at his window. That feeling.. something new to me. He's so near but yet so far. I told myself I will leave at 10:30. As I look at the clock in my car turned 10:27pm, I started crying. I know I gotta go, but then I cannot bear to.
I stopped just outside his window, and finally I saw him doing his work at this study table. He happened to look outside his window and he saw me. And I quickly shifted my gear to Drive and speed off. Then he sms me to ask if that was me. I didn't reply.
Silly me.
Hey, 我真的好想你。 你是否也和我一样在想你？





This is actually the first time I feel the lyrics to Better In Time.
It's time I let you go So I can be freeAnd live my life how it should be No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without youYes I will
I told him I want to try living without him for a few days. But I know I'll get used to it. And by then, I'd have moved on.
Just a feeling... feeling that I am ready to start moving on.
"It's gonna hurt when it heals too"
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Sunday, July 06, 2008
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?
Have you ever? Have you ever?
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Wednesday, June 11, 2008
My baby's BACK! yipee! He was so sweet today!! So surprised he came to look for me at OCC after my training... like how in the first place he knew I was training at OCC?? But then it was very very sweet of him. He bought me this perfume called "Very Sexy Hot". wahahahahaha! Wat a name rite? lol I love the scent and the bottle as well! It's in pink and black.. a little bimbo-ish though It smells familiar actually. Hmm..
And yes baby, you are the best boyfriend I'd ever have. happy?
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Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Jumpin' Jacq
I had lunch with my dear friend together with my baby at Bishan Park. It's been quite a while since I've met her and she's ever so energetic and spunky! Really nice to be around her coz she has this positive energy that's contagious! And I really love talking to her because she is so open and fun-loving! She's such an inspiration to me.. some of the things that I admire abt her is that she loves life, appreciates it, be grateful for every single thing, and being so compassionate. I remembered 2 occasions where she naturally showed her love for people she doesn't even know! There was once when we we were at macs.. a lady dropped her tray as she tries to open the door and immediately, Jacq got up from her chair and helped that lady. And just this sunday, the staff who welcomed us had her hand bandaged... and Jacq asked her if her hand was still ok. These tiny little actions showed how compassionate she is.
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Monday, May 05, 2008
Fishy business
Labour day was unforgettable! Started with gettink inked at Baghdad street, to collect my not-so-traditional cheong sam, Singapore Flyer and fish spa~ I was cracking my brain the day before because I didn't know where to go and what to do on labour day. My experience on the Singapore Flyer could be more spectacular if there's only me and OTP inside the cabin!! You guys should really try fish spa where you just simply dip ur feet into a tank of small fishes and let them nibble your dead skin. And NO.. they will NOT chew your toes off.
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Wednesday, April 30, 2008
where are we going?
Oh gosh.. I really got no idea where to go with my baby on labour day! To town? zoo? birdpark? sungei buloh nature park (NAH!) or Sentosa. Yep.. I think the best place to go is Sentosa. I need help! I really suck at planning activities. But I'll give it a shot though. I shall also do my part to spice things up in our relationship. OoOo! Ellen on tv now! GTG!!! byeeeee
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Monday, April 28, 2008
that's why breast implants are invented
I remembered watching an episode of the Tyra Banks Show about how women and men view WOMEN. There were 2 ladies on the stage wearing different black dresses and Tyra made the audience write down what they observed about them.
Not surprising, the men just pointed out one is more va-va-voom while the other one was skinny. It was all about their figure. hahahaha all the chee ko peks!
And on another episode, a relationship expert, Matt Titus, said that when women are walking pass them on the streets, men would voluntarily classify them into 2 catergories - who they will sleep with and who they won't sleep with.
Hmm but oh well.. we would rather sleep with Becks to Austin Powers.
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Friday, April 25, 2008
Selfless choices
I've been hearing many stories about relationships these days and it got me thinking about mine. Not so much about how imperfect my boyfriend is but rather myself. Some say that love should be giving each other the freedom and space - including the freedom to make friends of the opposite gender and going out whenever I like. No one should ever control their partner's life and I totally agreed.
Not till just a few months ago, I'd changed my belief. Some point in time, I began having this bad feeling when I started thinking what if I was in his shoes? Will I feel insecure? Yes. Will I feel uncomfortable? Yes. Will I get upset? Yes. So am I sabotaging the relationship? Hell Yes!
To me, it ain't matter if I am right or wrong. What matters the most is how my boy feels. If knowing that he will only feel insecure, then why do it? It is all about being responsible and respecting other person's feelings. I don't mean I stop contacting my guy friends but rather create a win-win situation.
You don't have to agree with me but I suggest you keep an open mind and re-evaluate the choices you make
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Thursday, April 24, 2008
Sight - a blessing?
Just when I had some insecurity issues on how the way I look, I saw Patrick Hughes on "The Ellen Degeneres Show". He can't walk..can't see but what made him so special and inspiring is his huge heart. In fact, he looked at his blindness as an ability more than a disability. He said this on the show "most of the time people with sight tend to judge others by what they see on the outside like the hair colour and the clothes they wear... I don't see that. I just see that what's within a person. The different colours like Red, Black, White, Yellow.. to me, these are just adjectives with no meaning or whatsoever..."
Has it changed your definition of beauty?
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